On Community Living
Community living is not a soft option. There is a lot of work to be done, especially in the first few years of building a community, and everyone is expected and needed to help. Sometimes people are attracted to living in community because they find it difficult living in the real world. Bowden House is not an isolated community; it is part of the real world and as we live together and share at least some space and work together, hiding from problems is not an option, they will invariably come out: living in community is challenging. And although community members may be supportive of people who are taking responsibility for the issues they face in their lives, we are not set up as a healing centre. Healing may occur on many levels at any time, but our focus in these still early days of our developing community is on creating a stable base. Our focus is on developing awareness; supporting people to realise new possibilities for themselves, rather than suggesting we have the answers that will make them better.
Conflict Resolution - Most of us would rather avoid conflict, but inevitably it will arise in community life and we will need strategies for dealing with it. It is important that we as a team learn to deal with conflict soon after it arises so that prolonged processing due to a build-up of unexpressed feelings is avoided. We need to be alert to the necessary balance between our own needs, the needs of the group, and the project at hand. It will therefore be helpful if all residential members of the community have had some training in this area. The Findhorn Foundation for example runs courses based on the work of Arnold and Amy Mindell, Marshall Rosenberg’s workshops on non-violent communication and book entitled Non-violent Communication - A Language of Life are recommended, and the book Loving What Is by Byron Katie is very helpful. It is vital for everyone involved in this project to be taking responsibility for their listening and communication skills.
Peter Caddy, founder of The Findhorn Foundation, has this to say about the foundations of community: "It was vital that we maintained a balance of Light, Love and Wisdom (…) if the foundations were to be solid. I have found that more groups and communities have failed because these qualities were out of balance than for any other reason. When Love opens the door to all comers without the discrimination of light, communities fail; when Light is not tempered with Love it can become hard and sometimes ruthless, lacking the latter's attracting and unifying power. Wisdom - sound judgment negotiates between the two, but if left unchecked it can stifle boldness of action and mire vision in intellectual debate." (in: In Perfect Timing by Peter Caddy, p. 227)
We are not an explicitly spiritual community but we acknowledge a spiritual dimension to life. Members are free to follow any religion or spiritual practice that does not impose on others. We find it useful to 'attune' to each other before communal events (meetings, workdays, shared meals etc.) and the task at hand. We simply pause for a few moments and become more aware of each other and what we are doing. It is not compulsory to join in attunements but it is necessary to feel at ease with this practice as it is a regular feature of community life.
We have also agreed that illegal drugs and abuse of legal drugs are prohibited. We have self-contained living accommodation with some shared resources and respect each other’s right for privacy.